Why I'm Stupid

1999

     Being stupid is one of those things at which the human race excels. The word was probably first coined as Adam and Eve trekked out of Eden to the sound of Angel swords swishing backwards and forwards. "What did you go and do a stupid thing like that for?" says he. She replies along the lines that if Adam had been a proper man then he'd have taken an interest in the things she did for a change and stopped her, and anyhow, he'd done it too. And another thing, why...(I've edited Eve's speech for the sake of brevity but will just make comment that Adam soon invented another word, to nag)
     Cain was stupid for not listening to God about animal sacrifice, and then getting so upset about it all. And everyone in the whole world showed immense stupidity for laughing at Noah building the ark. In fact, when you think about it, without stupidity there wouldn't be much good comedy or tragedy. We all like a good laugh at the expense of others and a good cry when it's too close to home for comfort. It's a truism that we think we're utterly cool while other people are stupid nerds. It's a fundamental characteristic of humanity that has enabled us to invent class, politics, wars, one decent North London soccer team and another called Arsenal*, aesthetics, philosophy, and newspapers because they thrive on diverse opinion. The ultimate 'where it's at' divide is that between those who know God and the pagan masses. The former are so cool you could keep your beer at the right temperature for years whereas the latter are so unhip it's amazing they can still walk.
Stupidity is often linked with rationality and logic. Those of you as young as me will remember the group Supertramp having a hit album in 1979, 'Breakfast in America' (although it will be cold by the time you get there). Being a literal sort of chap I took them up on the offer and did indeed enjoy a number of breakfasts in the USA that year. The big FM radio hit when I was there was a song from that album called 'The Logical Song'. At one point, Roger Hodgson, the lead singer, trying to make an arty-farty
comment about the capricious nature of life in general and possibly taking the mickey out of the 4/4 nature of rock'n'roll, shouts out in time with the music, "one, two three, five!" Ironically there's actually quite a lot of logic to these lyrics. They form the first four numbers in the renowned Fibonacci series where each number is the sum of the preceding two. Statisticians since Fibonacci have noted how the natural world tends to conform to this series of numbers.
Human behaviour can often be accurately gauged by Fibonacci numbers too, but that's another story because this article is beginning to get far too sensible. You probably think this is still a stupid article and wonder if I've got anything worthwhile to say. That's a good question. Another good question is why God built stupidity into the human design. Perhaps he didn't and it was just a rather unfortunate spin-off from our gift of free will. It could be the mechanism that God uses to make sure that we don't get to big for our Nike trainers, a kind of portable Tower of Babel. Perhaps you've
puzzled this one out already - answers please on email, titled:

"Why I'm Stupid", signed ....................................(your name),
 

Thank you.

*I wish to take this opportunity to point out that many of my best friends are, or rather, were Arsenal supporters, and that the derogatory references to AFC appearing regularly in Obiter Dictum is purely a literary device to elicit cheap humour. Considering we're talking Arsenal here, it could only be cheap humour.

©1999 Nick Clube